Comfortably Undecided: Quick and Easy Steps to Improve Your Decision Making
Learn how to spot your decision avoidance patterns and make the next best move.
Feeling stuck at a crossroads? You might be experiencing decision avoidance.
Decision avoidance is a way to escape the effort of choosing altogether. We've all been there, and I'm excited to share how four tiny acts can transform your decision-making process.
But before we jump in, I want you to know that making a decision is tough work and it’s not something most of us were taught how to do. Think about it—we spend years learning math and language, but rarely receive guidance on how to navigate life's crossroads effectively. Instead, we're expected to develop this crucial skill through trial and error, often without understanding the factors that influence our choices. No wonder we sometimes malfunction when facing important decisions!
The Lil' Habit method offers an effortless approach to move you from inaction to action with its simple principles: Meet Your Resistance (recognize what's blocking you), Be Curious instead of judgmental, Make It Easy by taking ridiculously small steps, and Savor the Yay when you make even the tiniest amount of progress.
Super Sexy Life Choices
The older I get the less sexy my major purchases become.
I’ve been wanting to replace the windows in my 100-year-old bungalow for years but that’s a super expensive undertaking and not high enough on my list of priorities to bother. Until the day that someone accidentally cracked one, which shifted “window replacement” from a “nice to have” to a “must have.” And if I’m replacing one window, I might as well replace the rest of them at the same time. I worried prices would skyrocket if I waited, but I duct-taped the crack and waited anyway.
Sometimes waiting is the grown-up thing to do. But I wasn't waiting to save up money or research options - I waited because the whole thing felt too big. I fretted about the right timing, finding a reliable company, and choosing the best product that balances cost with quality.
What's really happening when we avoid decisions?
Meet Your Resistance
Decision-making involves weighing options and owning the outcome. Avoidance tactics bypass this process.
When we struggle with inaction, our Resistance takes up residence with its well-rehearsed script to maintain our status quo.
Here are some lines my Resistance likes to run to keep me in my comfort zone. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
“I’m too busy to even think about it!”
“This is way outside my expertise. I need to do a lot of research. Later."
"It’s better to make no choice than the wrong choice."
"I need to wait until I feel 100% certain."
"I'll know it when I see it." (This line works on me every time. It shuts down any next steps–the Fates are in charge, silly.)
These seemingly reasonable concerns mask what I’m really avoiding – risk, responsibility, and the unknown.
When I find myself stalled at a crossroads, I've learned to ask myself a simple question: Is what I’m doing moving me closer to a decision or helping me avoid making one?
If I’m avoiding making a decision, responding to my Resistance is my first step.
Responding to my Resistance is infinitely better than reacting.
Responding looks like: “Yes, I will know it when I see it, so I need to actively look.”
Reacting looks like: “NOT NOW, OK?!”
Once I’ve responded, I’m already making progress. I’ve broken my well-trodden avoidance loop and engaged a new thought path. I’ve accepted what my Resistance offered (I’ll know it when I see it) and built on it (I need to actively look).
Because I believe in the power of lil’, I then asked myself: what can I do in the next 60-seconds that will help me know it when I see it? Easy. I searched r/sandiego on Reddit for “replace windows,” which produced a recent discussion about local suppliers, brands, prices, and real-life experiences. Yay! I felt an immediate sense of relief and even excitement about the prospect of having new windows.
“Yes, and …”
“What can I do in the next 60-seconds …”
Follow through.
Feel good.
I repeat these four tiny acts each time I need to move myself closer to a final decision. Feeling good is important; savoring that feeling helps rewire my brain to associate decision-making with reward rather than stress.
Spot Your Decision Avoidance Patterns
Quick decisions aren’t the end goal. In Thinking, Fast and Slow, psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains that your brain has two decision-making systems: System 1 (fast, automatic, intuitive) and System 2 (slow, deliberate, effortful). What matters is recognizing when you're genuinely processing a decision versus keeping yourself comfortably undecided.
Get curious, not judgmental. Curiosity allows you to discover and grow.
To identify your particular pattern of decision avoidance, try these simple reflection practices:
Listen to Your Language: Pay attention to your go-to phrases. The language we use shapes our reality even when it isn’t true. "I'll think about it" or “This isn’t the right time” or “I can’t afford it” might be your code for "I don't want to deal with this."
Notice Physical Sensations: Our bodies often signal an urge to avoid before our minds acknowledge it. Do you feel tension in your shoulders or a pit in your stomach when facing certain choices? A sudden need to check your phone or make a snack? These physical responses often precede avoidance.
Write It Down: For at least a week, note every time you postpone a decision. Write down your exact thoughts and sensations. Patterns that emerge can help you recognize avoidance and redirect to action in the future.
Examine Past Regrets: Consider decisions you've postponed in the past. What excuse did you use? How did delaying impact the outcome?
Recognizing your personal avoidance style is empowering. The big decisions in life will always feel somewhat daunting, but by meeting your Resistance, responding with "Yes, and," taking lil' actions, and savoring each bit of progress, you can transform paralysis into progress. And that feeling of moving forward, even in the smallest way, shifts your energy from avoidance to action, which is always a win.
If you think this could help a friend or loved one get unstuck, please share!
Disclaimer: My Substack posts are my personal reflections and should not be taken as clinical guidance or treatment. Consult qualified experts regarding your specific health needs.